They do not view their kids as thinking, independent, autonomous individuals in their own right but instead as automatons and pieces of property that they can dictate and program at will. This child begins to lose what sense of initiative and risk-taking that they have and thus they become extremely anxious and risk-aversive, often not electing to attempt anything for fear of failure. A place to put self-posts for discussion, questions, or anything else you like. Trying to navigate through one's own life and become independent and happy while one's parents harass you with their expectations, agendas and emotional manipulation - to fulfill their own paternal and maternal desires and dreams - should be a focus for the World Health Organisation. Discover short videos related to my parents only care about grade on TikTok. We have received many stories and are working on animating them! It is best for you to disassociate from him & his family. I feel much better letting some of my problems out OvO. They are abusive & toxic. Fortunately I have a wonderful mother (who is also criticized by my dad all the time). Talk to a school counselor regarding your parents. Such as overspending? i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. And all through that time, my parents and other family members tied to Grandma all thought I was taking advantage of her. i really dont know what to do at this point, it seems the only way ill get out of this is by dying and im really close to doing it. I just want her to hug me and say that she will be there for me no matter what but I know she won't because she would've said it by now. I think the other parents wanted them to practice with me but I was just a girl so they put me in left field. My parent (s) do support my learning, my mom especially . What do I do? Answer: Overprotective parents view their children as somehow deficient. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. Pls I need a word of encouragement from u. Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. I thought they were going to kill me. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! But this psychologist stayed long enough for me to explain what I felt was important. Raising A 'Teenager From Hell'? Often, the comparison does the opposite. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. There is no need to take a negative tone when speaking to a child about the mistakes they have made. They gave me a opportunity to do it up on a stage. If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. At least that what my family says. Hey I am Fatima my mother is selecting her own opinion in my career she didn't give me any chance to study by my wish I Wana be in army but she don't understanding and she is doing what she wants what I do now? Both my parents are like this. Always try things(beneficial) that are..UNKNOWN! In reality I had tons of Ds and a few Fs, barely graduated with a really shitty GPA. Probably because for my public school career I was bullied. My parents also want me to live what they had planned on me told me that when i grow up I need to gave them some of my "money " to show respect for raising me so they gave me more tuition and that one of the reason i been stressed lately (which cause me had overthinking habits and overreacting) and my grade dropped so they called me useless , stupid instead of their favourite child (my third sister and the youngest ). Disassociate from such toxic parents. I've tried reaching out to people for help. So if a young one dares to have a unique, creative, and innovative thought or idea, it is squashed and often labeled as outlandish and weird because nobody else thought of it! Her love and support balance out the suffocating negativity coming from my father & help me believe in myself . They just might be unaware of what is going on with you. Your mental health, however, is more opaque. My parents never understand me they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live. I checked off about 7-8 ways I've been hurt. Parents believe that they apply corrective measures because they care for their children. Question: If you know that your father was from a family of people who homicidally hounded family members to suicide by crushing their self-esteem, is it normal to continue hating such a person until old age? It is FREE! You don't need "family" like this. I went to university despite her and worked in the IT sector. Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. for the childish thing, yes i am childish but can you really blame me? Each child is unique. Parents must realize that children are individuals & that they DON'T OWN their children. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. Answer: You and your mother should do joint counseling. I have added 1 more explanantion to why i hate myself beyond rage.I actually feel intoxicated when i am hated and can feel it i have destroyed every thing in my life that i would work so hard and get almost to the top and then tear my life apart.my wife i feel sorry for she loves me so.i tried to ruin that for myself to and my prescous kids .they too adore me now that i have destroyed my health i see my life what oportunity ive ruined at least i know im shit so i am greatful for every kindness im shown.i no longer destryu things. So fuck it, lol. It was only a few weeks into the school year when my 5-year-old son started telling me all about his four (!) Seek counselling so you can heal. I feel like if I'm not serving someone, my life has no purpose. Hard to tell what could be helpful so far. Friends need to settle their own problems. Who knows what happened to them to want do that to me when I was a kid, the adults I'm talking about. over a year ago. Instead, parents should encourage their children to develop a sense of independence and respect their authority at the same time. my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. Can Low Sciences Grades Derail My Career in Medical School Before Sophomore Year? Question: Why do my parents always scold me about my scars when I'm trying my best to remove them? Some parents want their children to be physically/emotionally flawless. They're very emotionally and mentally abusive (They stopped the physical abuse once I reached 15). They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 02, 2018: Your parents shouldn't ground you but get you academic assistance until your grade improves. I've always been drawn to acting or maybe comedy, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd make a good bad guy. Not to even mention my life outside work. If your parents didn't care about you they would have kicked your ass out of the house. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 08, 2018: Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 04, 2018: Get counselling or talk to a trusted relative outside of your immediate family. They tell themselves that the child will appreciate this one day. Continue to seek self-improvement and one day we can pass through this. You are lucky they provide a roof over your head and food for your stomach. My whole family hurt my self-esteem by using me as a work-horse. When I was growing up I never hung out with my dad. There are either low cost or free counselling services. Truth. Please seek psychological help. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. Money isn't common for me. Ooof, I'm 26 and this read like the story of my life. Parents try to discipline children for their own good. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. What your mother is doing to you is beyond horrific. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. But when I was on the baseball team my dad was manager my mom team mom. In fact, parents who are controlling are immature as well as insecure. How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. Plan to move up to the front row, keep an organized assignment pad, find a quiet place to work, do your best, and your grades will go up, guaranteed. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 13, 2018: This article is right on point. Enter to win here! my parents always tell me how am disappointing and how I will fail my tests. And i often doubt whether my parents really love me. They believe that by comparing one child to another, the "errant" one will improve. Thanks. When she found out of course, she sent me to a therapist who didnt even help. 10 checks for me and now I felt really empty. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to me. Smothering your child will lead to resentment later in life, and it is not a healthy way to raise children. Published: Jan. 18, 2023, 4: . it's making me go insane at this point, and i don't know what to do. And with the rules I don't mind following the rules no matter how stupid I think they are but they NEVER let me ask why. Parents often believe it's their responsibility to motivate their kids to care about their grades. Obsessed With Fandoms on August 27, 2018: Well this explains a lot. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. My mother has always treated me as an idiot. Contact the suicide hotline & call a counsellor & get counselling. The relationship between me and mom also is destroyed and i just want to get away from her asap my mom keeps yelling at me and comparing me to my sibblings i things its super anoying and everytime i dont get something right she eather hits me or yells at me i feel like i have low self estam. Mark mentioned one of the most important things to remember when you're . I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. These people are firm believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics, interests, and goals. That would have made me confident, today! I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. No it wasn't 0, it was worth 1/2pt! How To Deal With Teenagers: How Bad Is Peer Pressure, And Can Parents Influence The Peer Group? After the third meeting I was taken off all meds and off they went to wherever they go. When I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny. I am happy with where I am at. This all rings so true. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. Children of overprotective parents don't develop the skills to succeed in life. You are a worthwhile, beautiful person. Teenagers who think they can do what they want, known they will get in trouble for doing it. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. Then she launched into a story about one father who recently planted himself in her classroom during one of her lesson planning periods to complain about his son's mediocre grades. Every time I expressed an opinion I was ridiculed by the whole family. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. It took me until my mother died to experience detachment and my awakening journey, Too many traumas due to lack of healthy parental guidance and dysfunctional interaction and minimum tlc but I focus on what I can do now and creativity is my saviour, its like i don't know my mom anymore every little thing i do comes with some type of backlash, and I'm always being compared to someone and i think to my self "but I'm not them and they are not your child". Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 25, 2018: Follow YOUR dreams, your mother is a soul destroying person. Parents can affect their kids' grades and not always for the better. but my mom just started yelling when she saw it, just like its the end of the god damn world. Please talk to a trusted relative. I wouldn't want to cause them pain, and I have just naturally never fought for my life. Second therapist referred me to the psychologist. No child should suffer. Question: Why does my father point out all my flaws? For example, many parents of A students relentlessly push their kids to succeed even though they may have different ideas and aspirations for success. Many parents base all their expectations on the grade point average of a child. All my mom has ever done is try to help. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. Adults are just perverts to kids. My mother's parenting, somewhat pushy and demanding, came from the knowledge that life could be harsh and a well intentioned desire for her children to be tough and prepared for anything. Tore Down , I Love You All Because You Feel My Pain ..(God Bless You All ). I think part of me is always looking to die. He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. Im not really praised as much as my sister is. It's also about enjoying the process. Many people are living their parents' lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret. the only way I can get an 90% is if I get 100% on the exam and science is my worst subject but "my sister did IB so I should be able to succeed in academic because I am naturally smarter than her but she works harder". My dad never molested me. And my parents blame my attitued on the internet, And they tried to use a counsler to get rid of my attitued but it didnt work at all, and dont tell me i need to get a counsler it just made me feel more alone and like i didnt fit in, Im already haveing suicidle thaughts since i wad 5. im in high school, i have all a's and one b. they act like its the end of the fucking world whenever i get anything less than a 100%, and i cant stand it anymore. The scouts and cadets did instill survival instincts into me and in the moments I was free when I was younger you would just see me sprinting bare foot through the forest like some Scrawny tiny white tarzan. These parents contend that they own their offspring. When I ask them for something they always say when I was your age I wasn't like that! I get a 92 and she gets mad at me. Each day, I'm taking small steps in battling my own emotions and to constantly remind myself to live life to the fullest. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. I know where I've come from, what I've endured and experienced, and I've let others know about my life experience too; so if I go, people at least will know. I am perfectly happy with what I do. :). Instead they were far too often sordid and filled with a sort of silent emotional fury. Didn't see them for long, found a better job elsewhere. Dear Carol, My parents were so invested into themselves and their own problems, I've only realized this while now in my late 20s. but of course.. i got a big X. but it didnt matter to me because i know that im good in that subject. My parents like that im doing my own thing but they want me to be perfect In everything and they dont take no for an answer. It was how my mom and dad were raised. my parents only care about my grades. I 've enjoyed this reading, nos I'am 60 years old, I lived difficult times when I was a child, fue this, I could not to be married, now I feel that need father's Love, I feel better when older men give me his friendchip. I got to see them again after a month. They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . I've had a single person stick with me for the last ten years. Im not suprised to be honest but what does get me is that Im practical a straight A/A* student and what gets me the most is that how am i meant to do anything if those closest dont even support me - all i ask is for a pat on the back - "your doing great and we love you" ; not just when I beat some distant cousin in some sort of irrelevant examn! Pretty damn poor family. honestly, i could go on and on about how completely awful this family is but i rather not. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 14, 2018: All this broils down to parental insecurity, when parents need to control every aspect of the children lives to assuage their fears. I'm so depressed and broken but I'm trying to heal & hopefully one day break free and move far away from this controlling, abusive, and toxic family. There are many ways a parent can help improve their child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. He should have taken this up with his wife! Not to also mention here that the phrase "they know about everything" including about me. they make me work for all the free time that i have then get mad when i stay up at night because it's the only time i have to actually relax. I believe I have come to the point of not feeling like I belong and dare I say hopeless, somehow I find consolation that others have gone through this too, I wish you all the best and we will make it out of this time together! I don't believe in retiring from a passion. "He just kept saying over and over: 'In our family, that's not acceptable.' I didn't know what to say to him. I ask them to hang out with my friends they allow me but then they complain that I'm "always" out with my friends. You have went through so much psychological angst. WOW!! But psych yourself up now for getting off to a strong start in September. If anyone actually read this please just tell me what to do. But when I get told that and try to do what I want I get a "No John, that's a terrible idea." But I can't say I'm surprised anytime there is a tradgid headline on the news, hate breeds more hate. Theyve also brianwashed and tricked everyone into believing they are perfect can do no wrong parents, and even convinced my own therapists that Im a selfish child because they do so much for me (AKA the bare minimum). But for me I can't keep up with that and my average is an 85% which is not the best. So I was destined to be a servant. They will always choose the path of the least resistance all through life. Actually, its all hate. I have a stored temperdue to being suppressed and snubbed from even showing negative irritation, get blamed for everything they do or that is not of their limited paradigms, heavily criticized for not wearing what clothes they got me (out of "love") or for keeping even a 2 day stubble. I'd be better if being fertilizer to sustain something else life. Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. But them telling me that everyday is enough to ruin my day. Making mistakes = ineptitude + utter stupidity. head wounds ! Don't do it!Don't listen to those thoughts. (My parents make me feel dumb.). I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister and everyone else in my family does. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. Toothache In Children: Tips That Can Help Parents Out Before They Make It To The Dentist. I did an IQ test at 17, and was told my IQ was 158. This past week, I've never felt so deflated, I'm practically ok with dying. And when I said "can I ask why" the world may have just exploded. Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. My mom didn't make the same mistakes as my grandma so the cycle didn't continue. by | May 25, 2022 | why does kelly wearstler wear a brace | diy nacho cheese dispenser | May 25, 2022 | why does kelly wearstler wear a brace | diy nacho cheese dispenser but whenever i talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it's because i havent eaten properly. What can I do? Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. I'm so shy but I refuse to blame my parents because they thought they were helping me. Internal beauty is far more important than outer beauty. Don't accidentally tear down your children's confidence. Parents should encourage their children to think outside the box and be creative. Felt aweful. If your parents are not receptive to counselling, go by yourself. Many parents fail to realize this. He thought I was just a real close friend of the family! "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. Everything I wear, the way I look (hereditary), my choice of friends, my interests and hobbies are just wrong according to her and deserving of condemnation. One day I got a line drive for my glove as I was daydreaming out there but I moved my hand to miss because I thought it was going to hurt my hand. Thank you for your constant support and engagement! A child's GPA is not always an accurate reflection of their innate intellectual capacity. I having suicidal thoughts many days,I tried to suicide but I still failed,I don't know I am worthless and meaningless or important for their life.They made careers for me that Engineer,But I want to be game developer.I never get praise,I am 23 Years Old Now.I want to kill myself and I can't face the stress anymore! Like there was really no real reason to do anything. There are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers. To pigeonhole anyone's intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Answer: Maybe you feel responsible for your sibling. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 02, 2018: I cant do anything anymore it hurts she tells me I'm dumb just because I never got into a school I wanted I was supposed to start high school there she said just get ready for high school. Guest i got to grow up way faster that anyone, i didn't really experience being a child and as for putting people over family, for the longest of time I've felt like i didn't have a family. Often, the comparison does the opposite. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. that saounds toxic. Your performance in school is measured in an identifiable way (your grades) and see what needs to be improved or what you are strong at. There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. I'm super curious and I just want to know the why but then I am always talking back. Disassociate yourself from this family & find people who respect/love you for what you are. Question: I think my parents wanted a perfect child instead they got me. When Can My Teenager Go On A Vacation Without Me? Say so. I've dreamed of being a country singer-songwriter my entire life but my mom has crushed my dreams at every turn. My uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc Where raised. No counselor/psychologist. Parents refuse to acknowledge how insidious comparing children are for many children are emotionally, psychologically, & even psychically damaged by comparing them to other children. Published: 12:19 EST, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 . anything I did wrong, i was ordered to strip naked and get beaten by the belt. Many parents refuse to acknowledge this. They are toxic, even evil. One day, your parents won't be there and you wish they were. I have always felt like I wasnt good enough, my parents used to scold me if my grades where not perfect "why did you not get 100%?" Just makes me sick. My mother was given away by her parents as an infant, then taken back at ten years of age when she was old enough to work and be considered useful. Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. Help! They never practiced with me. I cried as I was scrolling through this article. She is emotionally abusing you & you don't have to take this. They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. They're gonna be more successful than me. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. Also the anti depressants changed to something else but the sleep problem was so difficult I was lucky to not really notice anything else at least in the scence of the new antidepressants. Siblings treat me the same. If that doesn't pan out, seek a counselor's help. She went and sulked on me for days. Just because a child does not have the same characteristics as their parents does not mean they are a failure that needs correcting. Sick of It. Many parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children's abilities and characteristics are different from their own. Why I have a wonderful mother ( who is also criticized by my dad ever done try. Succeed in life grade on TikTok the time ) remember when you & you n't... Somehow deficient if you want to have fun anytime there is no need take... 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my parents only care about my grades